Depression

I have tried to apply for jobs with my current organization several times now. I've had an interview every time, but since my mother mentioned that the university she works for is required to interview all internal applicants, I'm starting to seriously doubt that I really qualified for all of them. I thought, "well, at least they like me on paper enough to give me the chance to interview." But now I'm starting to doubt even that.

This time I actually asked for some feedback about the interview and I apparently didn't convey enough enthusiasm for the position nor provide enough examples illustrating my points. I can totally see how the second part is true, because I was completely flustered and nervous the whole interview. My mind kept going blank, I couldn't remember what I was saying, much less what the question was. All in all, it was terrible.

But I don't get the enthusiasm part, maybe part of it was the nerves, but I love the organization I work at, I love conservation, and I got the feeling during my last interview that they were a bit taken aback by my level of enthusiasm. But toning it down a bit was apparently not the right strategy either. I just can't figure out how to improve. I knew that I needed to provide examples and I was thinking about that the whole interview, but when your mind goes blank there's just nothing you can do.

For fun, I started looking around for something else, somewhere else. But everything I've found so far is either somewhere I don't want to move, it's a part-time position or temporary, or it requires way more years of experience than I have right now. It's making me depressed. But knowing me, I'll bounce back in a few days and everything will seem right as rain.

Perhaps I'll just stop looking or applying for jobs until after our wedding reception in September and then reevaluate what I want to do with my life. I know I want to go back to school for my Master's but right now I'm not sure what I want to study. I've been debating between architecture with a focus in sustainable design (but the pre-requ's for that are insane) or something environmental science related like natural resource management, zoology, or something similar.